so what's the point of faking it?! i've had enough! no no no, i'm definitely not fine, not even close, i'm awaful, horroble and pathetic. what keeps me from admitting it? well, people say "you're gonna be just fine". no offensive, but what do they know you, what do you feel you, and what do you they care? why should i "grow up" and pretend that it's not big deal. sure it is a big deal, a giantly huge deal, as a matter of fact. how could it possibly not be a deal to break up with THE one you love and you wanna spend the rest of your life with. it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing, man! if this grow-up thing is all about ignoring the saddest agony caused by the most true&beautiful emotion, well then i declare war against it. i'd rather my heart stay vulnerable than become harded and faked.
it's done. the heart-break is done. it doesn't mean i cannot live. it's just saying i gotta live with pieces of my heart. and it won't be broken again. there's a patent or registered trademark thing, maybe a lable on it, saying this heart is broken by someone, all rights reserved. people also say "i'm sure you'll find another, your true love." i see a paradox here. when i find someone, i love, i love with my heart and soul, and i believe in it so much that i promise i'll love her forever unconditionally. now the "condition" took place, is my promise not a promise anymore? if so, how could i commit to love again? and if i could not commit to it, why bother to start all over again?
don't get me wrong. i'm not say that i'm doing nothing but weeping day and night and my only wish is to die before long. i still have hopes and wills on the other parts of life, although i haven't figured out if they still mean something without love. but as to love, i'll pull the dogs 'cause i've already finished hunting. it's my faith, it's what i'm living and dying for.
till my time comes, i can say with fulfillment: honey, i love you, so please let me die in your arms as promised, would you?